The Baby Trail (Baby Bonds #2) Read online

  When he covered her hand with his, he shook his head. “I’m just trying to make up for past sins.”

  “That’s what you believe, but I think you want more than you’re going to let yourself have.”

  He’d stopped wanting when he’d stopped dreaming, but now the wants toppled over each other and all of them seemed to have something to do with Gwen.

  Still trying to keep her at a distance, he responded gruffly, “You think you know me. You don’t.”

  “In some ways, I think I know you better than you know yourself.”

  “If you truly knew me, you’d be running in the other direction.”

  “Because…”

  “Because I want to do things with you I’ve never wanted to do with any other woman.”

  If she had said something, maybe he would have backed away. If she had issued an invitation, he probably could have turned it down. But all she did was stand there, looking at him with those velvet-brown eyes, her pink lips parted, her multitude of curls framing her face. She didn’t try to cover her freckles with makeup and he found that fact altogether sexy. He found everything about her sexy.

  With a deep groan, he kissed the freckles, then her cheeks, then her open lips. He hadn’t taken off his jacket. He’d intended this visit to be short and sweet. Now he shrugged it off and opened her blazer, pushed it back, and off her shoulders. Her breasts thrust forward and her silk blouse didn’t hide much. He didn’t need X-ray vision to see the lacy bra. He didn’t need a sixth sense to know her panties probably matched.

  Lace and silk and Gwen.

  As he tried to unbutton her blouse, she pulled his T-shirt from his jeans. Her bra was as flimsy as a butterfly’s wings. With the top half of her naked, he finally took her into his arms and kissed her…kissed her hard.

  Somehow they landed on the sofa. He broke away from her long enough for her to pull his T-shirt over his head. They were a tangle of arms as his mouth pressed hers again and their tongues mated. He thought about breathing and decided it wasn’t necessary. Only kissing Gwen was necessary. Only touching her soft satiny skin was necessary. Her desire seemed to rival his and that was new for him—that both of them wanted sex as much as he did.

  She apparently could do two things at once. She was responding to his kiss and searching for his belt buckle at the same time. He should get her out of her slacks, somehow push off his boots and drop his jeans. But right now all he could think about were her fingers near his fly. The belt buckle wouldn’t give and apparently fed up with it, she reached underneath and unfastened his zipper. He knew she could feel him straining to be free. He knew she was probably wet and ready.

  How could this hunger have overtaken them so fast? Were they still primed from spending the night in the B-and-B together? They’d wanted each other that night, too, but they’d had enough sense not to tangle their lives and emotions any more than they already were.

  What had happened tonight?

  Impulse, overstimulation, acquiescence. Surrender was easier than the battle they were fighting. Denial was growing old. Bonds between them were growing.

  Bonds.

  Gwen was going to establish bonds with Tiffany and Amy. She was the most compassionate, giving woman he’d ever met. But he couldn’t see himself in her picture. He’d proved he wasn’t a family man. To be one, he’d have to give up everything he thought was important to him. Gwen’s biological parents abandoned her. Her adoptive mother abandoned her.

  He was the wrong man for her.

  How would she cope with him searching for kids at the drop of a hat, at the ring of a pager, at the beep of a cell phone? Would she feel he was leaving her over and over again? He’d made promises to Cheryl but those promises had had different meanings for both of them. He didn’t make promises anymore. If he didn’t make them, he wouldn’t break them. Gwen Langworthy was the type of woman who needed a man with a nine-to-five, down-to-earth job who would put her first.

  Gwen’s fingers slipped into his fly. When he sucked in a breath, she caressed him.

  Nobility was going to kill him.

  He broke the kiss and tried to get his breathing under control.

  “What?” she asked, her cheeks flushed, her eyes bright, her voice husky with the passion he was feeling, too. “Do you want to take off your jeans?” she asked.

  Gwen didn’t beat around the bush. She was straightforward and honest and he had to be, too, even if it hurt her.

  Dragging in a long draft of air, he laid his hand over hers and stopped her fingers from making him even crazier. “I can’t do this.”

  She looked perplexed. “You don’t have a condom?”

  Oh, he had a condom—just in case a situation like this came up with her, just in case he’d wanted to take advantage of mindless, hungry desire. “That’s not the problem. We’re the problem.”

  Her fingers went still under his, her expression changed…became guarded…became wary. “I don’t want to hear this, do I?”

  “You know what I’m going to say, Gwen. We’ve been over this before.”

  “Then why does this keep happening? Why can’t we stay away from each other? You didn’t have to go see Tiffany’s mother. You didn’t have to come here and tell me what she said. You could have just called. You could have passed on the message through Shaye or Walter.”

  “We’ve been working together on this.”

  “Yes, we have.” Looking away from him, she spotted her blouse near the sofa. Disconnecting her hand from his, she reached for it and hurriedly put it on. As she fastened the buttons, her gaze met his again. “You offered to give Tiffany a job. Did you mean it?”

  “Yes, I meant it. But my giving her a job doesn’t have to have anything to do with us.”

  After a long look into his eyes, she blew out a breath. “No, I guess it doesn’t. I guess you know how to compartmentalize everything. Fine. I’ll just have to learn how to do that, too. I’ll help Tiffany look for another job. If she can’t find anything else, she’ll have to take yours. There aren’t many employers who will let her bring a baby.”

  “That’s if she keeps custody. There’s no saying that’s going to happen.”

  “If you and I go to bat for her, as well as Shaye and Walter, she has a chance.”

  Garrett clasped Gwen’s arm. “If we have sex, we’ll both be sorry afterward.”

  “There you go, drawing conclusions for me again.” She shook her head and stood. “You need to go to training camp for ex-FBI agents. Maybe there they can teach you how to drop the macho attitude.”

  “I don’t have—”

  “Yes, you do.” She looked down the hall to her bedroom. “I’m going to put myself together and then go over to Shaye’s. She and I are going to sort through some baby things Timmy’s outgrown. You can get dressed and let yourself out.”

  Standing, she moved away from the sofa and with one smooth motion, snatched up her bra. Then she disappeared down the hall.

  If he went after her…

  They’d solve nothing.

  Maybe he didn’t need a solution. He needed a way to sever the bonds that had formed with Gwen. For both their sakes.

  Chapter Eight

  Where was Tiffany?

  When Gwen came home from work on Monday, she expected to find Tiffany in her room or on the couch…or sitting in the sunroom. But she wasn’t any of those places and there was no note.

  Going to the phone, Gwen wasn’t sure who to call. When she’d brought Tiffany home from the hospital on Thursday, the teenager had still been weak and tired. But by yesterday, she’d been looking much better. Gwen guessed her remaining lethargy was as much emotional as it was physical.

  Had she run again? Had the whole situation overwhelmed her?

  Then suddenly Gwen knew. She had spoken to Tiffany about her hearing tomorrow. Gwen knew they had to be realistic, but with Garrett’s job waiting and a place to stay until Tiffany could truly become independent, Gwen was hoping for the best and had told Tiff
any that.

  Still, she remembered the eighteen-year-old asking, “But what if the judge takes my baby away from me forever?”

  Gwen was about to call Amy’s foster parents when the front door opened. Tiffany came in looking tired but otherwise in one piece. Last week Gwen had bought her jeans and a couple of sweaters to tide her over until they could go shopping together. She was wearing her own jacket now, a yellow windbreaker trimmed in purple.

  Realizing this was her first stab at being a surrogate parent, Gwen wanted to do it right. “I was worried,” she said simply.

  Tiffany sank down into the armchair. Her excursion, no matter where she’d gone, had tired her out. “Sorry. I thought about leaving a note, but I didn’t want you to be upset.”

  “Why would I have been upset?”

  Unzipping her jacket, Tiffany shrugged out of it and pushed her long hair over her shoulder. “I went to see Amy.” She rushed on as if Gwen was going to interrupt. “I had to see her, can’t you understand that? After tomorrow, I might never see her again. What if the judge puts me in jail? What if he gives her to a strange family who doesn’t care about her? I had to see where she was and how she was.”

  There was accusation in Tiffany’s eyes. “I meant for her to stay with you.”

  “In pioneer days it might have been that simple,” Gwen explained calmly. “If you wanted someone else to take care of your baby, you gave her to them. But now it’s not like that. There’s paperwork and a judicial process.”

  “I knew you would take good care of her.”

  Gwen wasn’t going to mention the fact that Tiffany had only heard her speak, heard her talk to a few students and read her credentials. “I know that, and I’m honored. But your case is going to the judge because everyone wants to look out for Amy’s best interests.”

  “I’m so scared,” Tiffany whispered, looking down at her hands. She folded them together and didn’t look up.

  After she crossed to her, Gwen crouched down, taking Tiffany’s hands in hers. “I know you are. But I think the caseworker’s visit on Friday went well.” A social worker had made a home visit to interview Tiffany as well as to examine the living conditions Gwen could provide. “The sheriff didn’t file charges against you after Mr. Ludlow talked to him,” Gwen added reassuringly. “And Walter is very experienced.”

  Walter Ludlow was almost seventy and he had a good reputation among his peers and with the members of the judiciary.

  “I’m hoping the judge will listen to him and take his recommendation,” Gwen added.

  “Are you sure Mr. Maxwell will be there?” Tiffany asked with worry in her hazel eyes. “He hasn’t been around.”

  No, Garrett hadn’t been around. Because of the way they’d parted? Because she cared too much and he was afraid to care?

  “Mr. Ludlow told me he notified Mr. Maxwell of the time he’s supposed to be there tomorrow. He said he’ll be there.”

  “People don’t always do what they say they’re going to do,” Tiffany mumbled.

  “The people you’ve known before haven’t, but these people do.”

  When Gwen’s phone rang, she patted Tiffany’s arm and went to get it.

  Shaye was on the other end of the line. “Were the Renards upset?” Gwen asked, knowing why Shaye was calling. The foster family most probably had called her.

  “They were more surprised than upset,” Shaye replied. “Tiffany showed up on their doorstep looking like a lost waif. They called me right away just to let me know what was happening.”

  “And?”

  “And they could easily see she just wanted to be with her baby. She’s a bright girl. She told them she knew she didn’t have any right to be there but she didn’t know what was going to happen with the judge and she couldn’t bear not to touch little Amy’s face again. They let her hold her and rock her and feed her.”

  Gwen asked the question that had concerned her most. “Did she get in trouble by going there?”

  “No. Nothing’s been decided yet. After all, she’s still Amy’s mother. If anything, the judge might look on her visit kindly. I just don’t know.”

  “This is all new to me,” Gwen admitted, looking over at Tiffany.

  “I get that. Just remember, when I brought Timmy home, I hadn’t dreamed about being a mother overnight, either. You’re going to do great.”

  Gwen lowered her voice. “But she’s eighteen. I’m not so sure she needs a mother.”

  “I’m twenty-nine. I still miss my mother and wish she were here. That doesn’t change.” Shaye had been ten when her mother died. Gwen had been six when her adoptive mother left. She knew Shaye was right.

  “Will the foster parents be at the hearing tomorrow?”

  “They won’t have a part in the hearing since this is about Tiffany and whether or not she should have custody of her baby. But I’ve heard the judge wants them there because he wants to see Amy. My guess is, he intends to examine how Tiffany acts around her. He’ll probably ask her to hold her.”

  “She’s never been around babies before.”

  “From what I understand, Gwen, she did a good job today. No matter what, she has to be natural and tell the truth. This judge will see through anything else. I understand Tiffany’s mother won’t be coming to the hearing.”

  Walter had notified the woman, requesting her presence, but she’d refused to come. “Tiffany’s mother could care less about the hearing. From what Garrett tells me, she doesn’t know anything about the word ‘support.’ Tiffany earned all her good grades on her own, studying with friends, staying away from home a lot. She thought she wasn’t wanted there, especially when her mother brought in new guys. So she made herself scarce and her mother liked it that way.”

  “Your heart’s breaking for her, isn’t it?”

  To Shaye, she could easily confide, “Yes, it is. I see so much of me in her.”

  “What does Garrett think about you taking this on?”

  “I don’t know what he thinks, and it really doesn’t matter.”

  “Oh, I think it matters. You just won’t admit it. Are you doing this to make the relationship with Garrett even more difficult?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous! The one has nothing to do with the other. They just sort of happened simultaneously. If Garrett and I see each other or if we don’t, that’s separate from the family I want to build with Tiffany and Amy.”

  “You don’t want him to be part of that family?” her friend asked knowingly.

  “I’d love it if he would be. I’d love it if he could wholeheartedly be a role model for Tiffany and Amy. But he had years of training and work that have kept him guarded. Once in a while, he gives me a piece of who he truly is, but afterward I think he regrets it.”

  “You both need time to absorb everything that’s happening. He might need time to let his guard down with you, but you need time to learn to trust again.”

  “That’s just it, Shaye, I think Garrett is a man I can trust. He inspires confidence. When he wants to be, he can be protective and caring.” She took a deep breath. “I can’t be wrong twice, can I?”

  “That depends on how deep you’re looking, and exactly how much you dig into his life and he digs into yours. Was he married before?”

  “Yes, he was.”

  “Poke around. See how he reacts. Find out how he left it. Past marriages can give you a wealth of information.”

  “Garrett won’t let me poke very deeply. That’s a problem. Right now, I can only concentrate on Tiffany’s hearing. I just want it to go her way. I want to help her to be a mother to Amy and then let her take over on her own.”

  “You’ll have to decide if you want to be Aunt Gwen or Grandma Gwen.”

  She laughed. “Now that’s a decision to make.”

  “Don’t go buying granny glasses yet,” Shaye teased.

  There were a few beats of silence, then Gwen said, “Thank you for watching over Amy like this.”

  “It’s my job. That’s why I sent som
eone impartial to do that home visit on Friday.”

  “Can you tell me about the report?”

  “That was sealed for the judge. He’ll let you know what’s in it. Relax tonight, Gwen, and try to get Tiffany to do the same. It could be the last night you both get a good night’s sleep.”

  “Wouldn’t that be wonderful?” Gwen asked seriously.

  “Only a potential mother-to-be or someone who wants kids very much would say that. By the way, Dylan packed the SUV with all the baby things you picked out. If the hearing goes Tiffany’s way, all you have to do is call him and he’ll bring them over. The only essential thing you’ll have to purchase is a crib.”

  “And I can do that in fifteen minutes if I have to. Do you really think I’m going to sleep tonight with everything buzzing in my head?”

  Shaye laughed sympathetically. “You could always learn to knit. I hear that’s trendy right now.”

  Gwen thought about the little sweater Bonnie had made to keep some child warm. “Maybe I will take up knitting. After all, I’m going to be the first-line babysitter.”

  “When Kylie’s baby is born, we’ll have a trio.”

  Holding no illusions, Gwen knew once Tiffany stood on her own two feet, she’d be moving out. Deep in her heart, Gwen wanted her own child, even if she didn’t have a husband to go along with it. When she thought about the word husband, Garrett Maxwell’s face popped up before her eyes. However, he’d been clear that a picket fence didn’t fit into his life.

  “To give you something else to think about, I sent out the invitations for Kylie’s baby shower. Are you still planning to make a taco casserole?”

  “Yes. I’ll bring veggies and dip, too. It’s coming up fast.” They’d planned the shower for the second Sunday in November…only a month away.

  “Try to get some sleep tonight,” Shaye advised.

  “I will.”

  After Gwen hung up, she went to Tiffany and smiled. “How about grilled turkey and cheese sandwiches with tomato soup? We can make a fresh salad, too, to go with it.”